Tonight I’m running off more mini zines and practicing for a reading tomorrow (2/27) at the Jade Lounge that is centered around the thing we idealize the shit out of but barely understand: Love. The good, the bad, the morbidly grotesque. We’ll cover it all. Music, stories, poetry and more.
I’ll also be reading at Powell’s City of Books on March 20th as part of Smallpressapalooza.
“It was important to me to represent the people in this book as authentically as I could. They aren’t just characters, they are people that I love. So more than my revealing them through storytelling, they revealed themselves to me during a time of tragedy.
And if I’m going to try to show other people as authentically as I can, then it’s only fair that I do that with myself as well. The dynamics between myself and whoever I’m discussing have to be as close to the truth as I’m capable of seeing them as an inherently bias human being. That includes the deeply real fear of someone saying something I can’t handle. Or wanting to punch someone in the face because they can’t handle what I’m saying.
Caring about someone at all is opening yourself up to the possibility of damage. You care, you get close, you share things and get vulnerable/take off your shell and expose all your soft, easily stab-able parts.”
Tobias Carroll of Volume 1 Brooklyn had some great questions for me about Glue, Ladybox Books, writing, and the damage caused by even choosing to have interpersonal relationships.
Read the full interview HERE
On the two year anniversary of my sobriety I take a long walk and set out on a day devoted to rewarding myself and celebrating this huge thing I did.
At lunch I sit facing a window, eating Al Pastor and watching the rain fall. Behind me are two groups of women who take turns laughing too loud and shouting across the small tables at each other.
“If it’s what you you want, take a stand.”
“If I hate someone, SHE hates some one”
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Choruses of laughter that grate on my nerves and I wonder how long it’s been since I’ve been those women.
Landside comes across the speakers and suddenly the volume of everything else is turned down. Fleetwood Mac playing at random in public has long felt like a symbol of my mother being here with me.
I enjoy the song.
I finish my lunch.
I gaze out the window and watch the rain fall listening to Stevie Nicks talking about time making us old. When the song ends the volume of the space catches up as though it never changed.
Woke up this morning to my 720th day without a drink.
720 days where I didn’t wake up or go to sleep vomiting
720 days where the night wasn’t spent on the bathroom floor
720 days where if I made a shit decision it was mine to own and I couldn’t shrug it off by saying “oh, I was really drunk”
720 days without a $60+ bar tab
720 days where I may have said “I need a drink” but then really had to evaluate those words and dig the fuck in and figure out how to deal with it.
If you would have told me in 2013, and definitely in 2009, that this would be something I was proud of and actively working toward, I would have laughed in your face.
Two. Years. Sober. and hopefully many more to come.
Had an astral daytime slumber party with Leza Cantoral for the CLASH Media podcast this weekend.
We talked about my novella, GLUE, mermaid hair/beards, Portland strip club aesthetics, biker culture, my dad’s role in said culture, zines, Ladybox Books and a lot of other stuff!
We had a great time chatting and probably could have gone on forever.
But we didn’t, you’re welcome ✨🖤✨
Click HERE to listen to me treat spoken statements, like, you know, questions..?
photo cred: Leza Cantoral
featuring/co-written by Garrett Cook
I love you very much but I’m afraid we can’t do this
because you are full of bullet holes
I love you, but you’re on fire
I love you, but you’re radioactive
I love you, but I don’t love you
I love you, but I’m actually the girl in middle school
who you ran for class president against assuming
you would lose and she would be happy to be class president
but then you won and I was really angry
I love you, but we have fundamental differences in character.
Like how you don’t have any
I love you, but there’s a face underneath my face and that face is a void
that has voids upon voids behind it and when you stare into it
you will see all the unkindness of the Earth
I love you, but you harbor a darkness that makes the Devil himself
check his closet before he goes to bed at night
I love you, but you’re gay and you’ve always been gay just because I said it.
I love you, but my love is not the “straight camp” you are looking for
I love you, but my love is not the recovery center you require
I love you, but we’re on The Price is Right and we can’t do this here
I woke up with a brutal migraine and this song in my head.
I’m not sure if they are directly related.
Reviews and book photos (Glue Pix!) have been trickling in and they make my black heart swell. On top of the official reviews, some of my favorite feedback has come in the form of texts and phone calls from friends and family. Those don’t mean anything to y’all, but they mean the world to me.
This week Gabino Iglesias reviewed my new novella, Glue, at Vol. 1 Brooklyn in which he says so many wonderful things about my work including putting me alongside amazing writers like Joshua Jennifer Espinoza and Juliet Escoria. I died.
click here to read the full review
Gabino also rounded up some of his favorite Nasty Women in weird fiction for LitReactor and I made that list too.
There were eleven women chosen and of those eleven, six of them were either Ladybox Books authors or contributors to the box sets. I love these women and believe so wholly in their talent, I’m glad to see them being appropriately appreciated for all that they do.
click image to read about 11 nasty women @ LitReactor
I’ve opened submissions for a zine anthology project through Ladybox Books, in which I want to hear about songs we can’t listen to anymore -for whatever reason- bands our exes have ruined, and the loss of virginity. Each topic will be compiled into its own zine and I’m looking forward to the stories rolling in as much as I am looking forward to assembling them all by hand myself.
click image for zine trio submission guidelines