Attack of the Photo Blog: Hyaena Weekend!

This past weekend I was invited to read at the Hyaena Gallery in sunny Burbank California with Andrew Goldfarb, Cody Goodfellow, Mark Leventhal, Laura Lee Bahr and fellow NBAS-ers Michael Allen Rose and Spike Marlowe.

“Invited” is a term I use loosely. Really, I was invited to the event by Michael Allen Rose and had planned on going just to visit with some of my Bizarro friends, watch them read and perform and have a great time before going back home.
About a week before the event I received an email with the reading schedule. I was listed as opener. SURPRISE! And here I thought I was just going to be in the audience.


I had all these excuses, like: “I can’t afford a hotel” and “I can’t afford a plane ticket” and “I’m too much of a giant pussy to read to a group of people.”

Laura  Lee Bahr solved one of them when she opened her home to me (and several other Bizarros) and offered to let me stay there for the weekend. Andrew Goldfarb solved another when he said that, since he lives in the Bay Area but was on tour, if I could get to Los Angeles he could bring me back home. Spike Marlowe said I could catch a ride down with her superhero self.  Two of my friends, Jezra and Kristel, gave me money for expenses.

It would have been immensely stupid to refuse. Everything but the antidote to being a giant pussy was handed to me. Not on a silver platter, but rather in two cleverly marked envelopes.

“Food, Tampons, Postcard/ Hooker and Blow”

I had to suck it up. I was slotted to read for 10 minutes. I just had to get through 10 minutes entertaining people and then I would have, as Vince Kramer says, “The most fun EVER!”

My friend Michael Kazepis spent a lot of time helping me sort through the mess and copy edit, as I strung together a series of vignettes that I have been working on about customers who come into the adult/head shop where I work. This seemed like a good idea to me. When I post about them on Facebook they are the most commented and “liked” of my statuses, which leads me to believe that people enjoy hearing about me dealing with perverts. Which kind of makes you guys jerks.

The idea is that I would get to stand up in front of a room full of people and put some weirdos on blast. That ended up making me more comfortable than a “proper” reading.

We read at the Hyaena Gallery in Burbank California and I can’t stress to you enough how incredible their collection is. It’s all lovely horror art and I NEED every single piece in that place. Here are some stolen photos of amazing art:

Check them out if you’re in the area. ABSOLUTELY worth it.

I think Andrew Goldfarb asked me about five times if I was ready to go on. Each time I responded “Ehhhhh…?” and he’d say I could have another 5-10 minutes, until finally I said I would probably never be ready so we should just get on with it.

So, I stood up on a chair in a gallery filled with fanfuckingtastic arts, and people who love the things I love, and a few people who love ME (present or in spirit) and launched into my CREEPS piece.
It seemed to be well received! But you can judge for yourself!

A little shaky, a little nervous, and kind of sweaty. But I did it Goddamnit! I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good to get up there and overcome that fear, no matter how hesitant I was.

Hey, Fear. FUCK YOU!

It felt even better to have people come up afterwards and tell me they liked it. This was only the second time I had done a live reading.

The part where all the anticipation and nerves crashed and I threw up in John Skipp’s house felt less good. Snuggling with his dog Scooby fixed that though. That dog is a LOVE BUG! I’m still obsessing about her.

Everyone was fantastic.
Michael Allen Rose educated us about the dangers of Cranial Party Wolf Infestation..

Spike Marlowe showed us how a placenta ought to be treated.

Mark Leventhal read from The Emerald Burrito of Oz, a fantastic adventure written by him and John Skipp.

Laura Lee Bahr knocked my motherfucking socks off and won my heart for all time with her medley of Beastie Boys songs accompanied by an accordion

I THOUGHT Cody Goodfellow was going to be there, but he sent this guy instead. (Keep an eye on your cigarette lighters when he’s around)

Andrew Goldfarb/ The Slow Poisoner sang us some spooky stories

The entire weekend was magic.

I kept saying that I was going to be bummed to have to go back to “Real Life” until I realized…this IS my life! And how very grateful I am for that. I know amazing talented people who care about me and are willing to help me achieve this dream of mine. Not everyone has a support system like that. I’d be a fool to not gush about it. So:

On Saturday evening we packed a picnic and headed over to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and watched Stanley Kubric’s Lolita projected on the side of a mausoleum. Cinespia apparently puts on this event all summer long. I can’t imagine anywhere else that would allow for use of the cemetery space this way. But, leave it to Los Angeles.
If you’re in the area, or will be at some point this summer, check out their summer film schedule. This weekend they will be showing A Nightmare on Elm Street.
I’m dying. I can’t believe I won’t get to watch that in a cemetery. So, if you can, you should. It’s only $10. Not much more than a regular movie. Plus you can’t beat the ambiance and you can bring booze and whatever food you’d like. (Personally, we went a little nuts. But I’m okay with that. YOGURT STARS 4 EVAH!)

Check out the full photo attack here. Some of these photos were stolen..erm..borrowed and others have nothing to do with the reading itself, but are from the weekend and probably contain a few cameos ❤
click images to enlarge

And to end it all with a bang, just like at the gallery, here is Rose juggling machetes!

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